OZMA - THE ELF IN A JAR

My Story:
I'm just an average Elf. I'm several hundred years old. I stopped counting at 500. I originally came from Ireland but I've been all over the world. I've seen a lot of history and known a lot of interesting people. I had an acting gig for a while as one of the fairies in the original production of "A Midsummer Night's Dream," but I lost that job because I refused to shave my beard. An Elf has to draw the line somewhere.

Had a cushy job for a while up in the North Pole as one of Santa's crew, but I got fired from that post on a trumped up charge of harrassing the reindeer. Hey - those reindeer said they LIKED having their heads buried in the snow. I used to get Santa cases of tequila from an Elf I know down in Mexico too. You'd think that would count for something.

Been living in the Pacific Northwest of the United States for a while. Had a sweet spot in the woods as a Keebler Elf, but once again I got fired. Something about THEY didn't think the chocolate chip cookies tasted better with Jack Daniels in them. Story of my life. It was cramped in that hollow tree anyway.

After that I kicked around the coast for a while, getting drunk with the sea lions and swimming upstream with the salmon. Met up with a Goblin in a cave and got in a terrible brawl that didn't end well for me. I had him pinned and was about to stuff his head inside a rotting crab shell when he put a whammy on me. He zapped me all the way to Portland, Oregon and trapped me in a mud puddle during what seemed like an endless rainstorm.

I might still be there, at the bottom of that puddle today, sneezing and shivering if it were not for a kindly Human named Uncle Ozma (yah - strange twist of fate that name) who stepped on me, rescued me from the puddle, took me home, dried out my clothes and gave me a jar to live in. That's how I came to be The Elf In A Jar. Life here isn't so bad - Uncle Ozma runs an internet radio station that's pretty cool and he buys me all the pizza and beer I want.

NeverEndingWonder Radio has gotten a lot better now that I've been helping run it. The music selection has gotten a lot more diverse. Hey - I've been around - I know about music. Also the station is now the only internet radio station with an Elf in a jar. Check out the station if you like a truly eclectic mix of music. Give it an hour so you can get an idea of how the variety flows. You might also hear me on air!